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I saw you on telly the other day
fairly surprised how your voice still makes my heart skip a beat
repeating a familiar phrase but not quite the same…
“We are in danger of being swamped by Muslims”
I remember when I was the object of your “affections”
the only infection was that of yellow fever
I thought what we had was real

(Pauline!)

Hanson
Handsome
Hanson
Holding my heart for ransom
When you tell me “you’re not welcome”

I’m sorry my friend but you’ve been outdone
You want an explanation
And now I’ve got one
Let me start off by saying
Bizmilah
Before I give you a taste of this hot new flavour

PAULINE PLEASE

explain
how you’ve still left me in such a state
heartbroken, I spend nights up late thinking of your beautiful hair
deep red as the Sriracha sauce I put in my pho
(non halal, baby girl, just how you like it)
tastes of hot hate, the vitriol you spat
like smacks hurts good, but now it’s Sharia this, Muslim that

PAULINE PLEASE

As it should be, my little Asian friend
Come come now
Let’s not pretend
That it’s not the beast from the Middle East
She calls for again and again
Pauline
These words to come are my confession,
An ode to our love
No more suppression,
I know it well,
Obsession in the form of aggression

PAULINE PLEASE

it’s amazing how you haven’t aged after all of these years
hate and fear the perfect moisturizer forget Asian genetics.
Don’t forget it, I’m the one who put you on the worlds stage,
out of your cage, without me you’d still be selling fish and chips,
or even worse, back on Dancing with the Stars, shaking those hips… damn

PAULINE PLEASE

I know it’s only me on your mind
Since that hot hot Summer of 1992
I’m sorry Asians but you’re so old school
I’m the one who’s captured her heart
Like how the AFP captured those men without charge

PAULINE PLEASE

lets bring back the days of the Asian Invasion
the perfect equation of ignorance and bigotry.
For noone has hated me the way that you do
it’s true, anything you want is everything I’ll give.
More bacon, more beer or perhaps a whole pig?

PAULINE PLEASE

Try and remember: I’m the one on the boat
that floats your boat
I spice up your life like masala chicken
With affection as violent as a Jihadi mission
But baby you got me a beggn’ n wishn’
That you would whimper to me once more,
“It isn’t racism”
(You know, coz Muslims aren’t a race and all)

(and)

Just don’t stop tolerating me like you do
Like I tolerate coriander in my food
It’s true!
Not even Asians could get you in this mood

PAULINE PLEASE

take and heed this call
for these Muslims will be much more than you’ve bargained for
I know that they’re sexy, the thing that is new
but whoever you choose, I’ll always love you

PAULINE PLEASE

These Asians are outdated
Honey let’s keep things upgraded
Trust me
Just take my hand
Come with me baby girl
We’ll make like Aladdin,
“I can show you the world”